Chumming.Com - Kalifornia 101

As I lie on my deathbed licking my wounds, waste bucket by my side freshly washed in the bathtub a few steps from my side (a few steps too many apparently), I am thankful for the advent of the laptop computer and e-mail, without which it would not be possible for me to communicate. My 10 days of living dangerously have finally caught up with me as I have been hit by some mutant strain of the flu, the consequences of which are better left unmentioned. For the record, Loki is having some of the same rectal anomalies as myself. This leads me to believe that what I've contracted must have come from the putrid waters off the sunny coast of California. I started feeling the effects on our marathon drive home Saturday night, 24 hours through snow, rain and everything in between. I should consider myself lucky I guess, I was forewarned and am not experiencing anything that was not expected. It still sucks. Let me fill you in on how I came to reach this pathetic state…

The van was packed and ready to go by 6pm on Friday the 13th, a few hours late but not too bad for a bunch of compulsively tardy ex-hippies. Everything seemed to be in order although we were minus a speedometer, odometer, temperature gauge and fuel gauge. I wasn't concerned about breaking any land-speed records, what with 4 surfboards atop a heavily laden mid-80's camper van, but I was a bit concerned about not being able to gauge our fuel supply. We both have very poor track records when it comes to pushing the limits of vapor driving our engines. We strap a 2-gallon spare tank on top and hope one of us remembers to fill it up the next time we stop for fuel.

Bob and Loki (our canine companions and automotive security system) were completely fired up for the trip, they have been barking about the beach for months. Loki is my 2-year-old black labish mutt from the local pound. Bob 'One Dread' Marley is Johnny's 7-year-old purebred Golden Retriever with one great golden dreadlock hanging from his tail and an ire vibe. He has just completed his first round of chemotherapy for Acute Canine Lymphoma and we are taking him for a vacation at the beach. With a full tank of gas, we head out to Dillon, Colorado to pick up our surfboards and Johnny's younger brother Scott.