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(Red) -We are sitting here in P-Town drinking a cold Budweiser in the parking lot of Herring Cove Beach and loving it. That’s Provincetown, Mass for the uninitiated and it is an awesome place to be. We survived a week of sick family partying and are now back on the road. Thought I’d catch up a bit on the past while I wait for the sun to set. One of the only places on the East Coast where you can catch a sunset over the ocean and it is truly a beautiful sight. Heaven on earth. Anyway... The drive through Eastern Kansas and Missouri and Illinois is horribly dull on I-70, don’t do it. I had my sights set on good ol’ Indiana though and would make it there by nightfall... Jah willing. The Clipper was performing splendidly (even hitting 90 mph for a good stretch there with a strong tailwind) so I though I might make some stops in Missouri for some good-natured Ozarkian fun. First on the hit list was Nostalgiaville USA - “Where Elvis, Marilyn & The Duke Hang Out.” Sounded like the cat’s meow but I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical... What would those guys be doing in a place like Kingdom City, MO?!? For that matter, what the hell was I doing in Kingdom City, MO?!? Anywho... I decided that since Ronald McDonald kept a 1000-gallon saltwater fish tank in precisely the same location, I could certainly get my money’s worth from a brief stop in the prestigious “Kingdom.” Don’t bother, for... I didn’t get to shake it with Elvis. I didn’t get a shot up Marilyn’s skirt. And I didn’t get to have a beer with the Duke. In fact, Nostalgiaville USA is simply a novelty item shop that robbed me for just over $5 for a bendable “Felix the Cat and his Bag of Tricks.” Don’t get me wrong... I like Felix and all... but he is no Duke... Next I took Ronaldland by storm. Don’t go there either. The aquarium is the most revolting thing I have ever laid eyes upon (excluding the strippers at Crazy Horses of course). The fish look like they are swimming in a tank of Duff Beer and the register lines are atrocious. It took me over 20 minutes to get a burger and the burger predictably sucked. Next time I will try the Burger King with the largest playroom in the world (it is also in the area)... and it must be more promising... right? Skip Kingdom City, MO and save your brain cells for a different lame-ass roadside “attraction.” Loki and I pushed on through the pain and made our way to Cloverdale, IN, just east of the fine city of Terra Haute. We pulled into an awesome campground (our first connection on the road) and made comfy. The pond there was filled with snapping turtles, which Loki adored, and the moon was lit brightly overhead, a day before full. We got online, cooked some grub, and then sacked, content that things were progressing smoothly. Go to Cloverdale RV Park in Cloverdale, IN if you happen to pass through the fine Hoosier State. They are nice people who have a lovely campground... and they will let you get online to shoot your shit around the globe. We awoke Wednesday morning and covered some miles. Nothing too interesting as we cruised through the remainder of Indiana, then Ohio where we headed up to I-80, then into Pennsylvania. I hate driving across Pennsylvania. The roads are shit and there is next to nothing to do or see until you get to the Water Gap on the other side. Sure there is Hershey down south... and Beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge... let me tell you. But I-80 through PA sure sucks so take a different route if at all possible. Around 7pm we started looking for a campsite and boy did we find a doosy. I can’t say who they are ‘cause I’m afraid they will come after me. This campground had to be run by (and lived at) by a legion of grizzly hillbilly meth-heads. The place was immaculate and the rules were written in stone... you wouldn’t be reminded twice... The owners were friendly though for the most part so I made out ok. I checked in with a toothless hag at the desk. She had no idea what a computer was so asking for an Internet connection was out of the question. Her hobbled husband led me down a long gravel road to my site. Small porcelain animals, dwarves and mushrooms adorned every nook and cranny of the woods... live bunnies hopped from site to site... woodcut children could be seen urinating in the bushes... signs were posted every 10’ to tell you what you could and could not do... there was an ancient meth-lab set up at the site next to mine... It was bizarroland to the tenth degree and I liked it. Once I had gotten the rig set up, I quickly cleansed myself in the lukewarm complimentary shower. I was feeling a bit unnerved by my newfound surroundings but I was also starving. I scurried over to the camp store before they closed to see what they had to offer for supper. It was disappointing at best... it was pretty damn disappointing at worst... it was pretty much condiment central... and I have condiments (in fact, condiments are about all I have, I couldn’t even make a mustard sandwich right now... I could make a mustard though...) The matron must have seen the dejection in my eyes as I scanned the
shelves for something solid because she quickly started quizzing me on
what I would like to eat. They didn’t have dick and she could soon
be seen rummaging around in her own freezer, eventually producing 2 gigantic,
spicy Polish sausages with a severe case of freezer-burn. I accepted
them with genuine delight and thanked here profusely before running from
the store to safety. Ah, the unexpected goodwill of strangers is
a beautiful thing. I feasted hard that evening on unknown meat products
and slept a bit uneasily under the full moon with Loki at my side in good
ol' Trashtown, PA.
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