I'm bitter, really bitter.  I have just experienced the most horrific New Years Eve imaginable.  No, I couldn't even dream up something this upsetting, it had to be thrown at me like a hanging curve ball, and I can't hit curve balls.   While mired in a healthy funk of holiday depression, I got a surprise chance to make my existence even more pathetic, a chance that was too irresistible to pass up.  Now ask yourself this.  If you could virtually guarantee yourself the worst night you could ever possibly imagine, thereby insuring yourself future fruits and good fortune, would you not choose the same path as I?  well... probably not... and I shouldn't have either.  Unfortunately, I mistakenly bit at an opportunity to spend New Years Eve in the company of the most despicable television personality imaginable; but enough of the pleasantries. With my only other option being to head out into the cruel world alone, with the off chance of running into my ex-girlfriend for a truly depressing event, I decided, against better judgment, to spend a substance free evening at a teen party hosted by: TV’s Urkel.