Urkel STILL Sucks! :: disposableChum

As I approach the sprawling estate where the party is being held, I wonder why I would put myself through such a ridiculous ordeal. The answer is simple... the chance to hang out with a 21 year old Hollywood star; who has a holier-than-thou attitude and a certain taste for young flesh... who could pass that up. Yes, there has to be a story here somewhere, and I was going to find it. We head through the dark in silence, down a long and winding country road to a clearing where the driver deposits me at the end of a path. Poor loser, I think as I give him a nod. I suck it in and exit into the cold starry night.

Approaching the door, I am greeted my Mike, a high profile Hollywood Dentist with the teeth to prove it. He is also the cess in Urkel’s fetid genepool. Mike was pimping at the door for his son. Collecting $15; ponied up in change and crinkled dollar bills by wide-eyed teenage Barrel Racing Queens... turning away teary-eyed 16 year olds, not making the 18 year cut-off. These discriminating, rich-ass motherfuckers have the gall to charge a cover... just to get a chance to spend an evening with a cheap little opportunist. I reach into my pocket and eagerly hand over my lunch money.

Urkel is apparently quite selective with his audience and dad makes sure that no undesirables get close to his precious commodity. Each guest is closely checked against a researched profile, looked at for a glint in the eyes, a hitch in the step... Little did they know that I was showing up in disguise tonight. Expecting their high-falutent Hollywood attitude, I arrive looking smashing... attired in black tie, jeans and cowboy boots, spanking of Steamboat High Society like they've never seen. The invitation had indicated “casual attire” and I made an immediate splash in the teen filled ballroom.

Oh yes... I was on a mission of mercy with a pocket full of Scooby Snacks.